Tag Archives: persuasion iq

Podcast 170 – Eye Contact: Deception or Influence?

The New Year is here and your influence skills are more critical than ever.  You have heard enough about goals – so let’s focus on those persuasion tools.  Does your eye contact help you influence or does it trigger deception cues?  Are you reading your prospect’s eyes to adjust your presentation?  Let’s find out the power of your eyes.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The eyes of men converse as much as their tongues.” The more common phrase we hear is “the eyes are the windows to the soul.” Through our eyes, we can gauge the truthfulness, attitude, and feelings of a speaker. Not making the proper amount of eye contact can have devastating results. Our pupils are one of the most sensitive and complicated parts of our body. They react to light, but they also respond to our emotions, revealing a variety of feelings.

Making eye contact can also convey love or passion. In a number of studies on eye contact and attraction, researchers found that simply looking into one another’s eyes can create passionate feelings. In one particular case, two members of the opposite sex who were complete strangers were found to have amorous feelings toward each other after merely gazing into one another’s eyes.   In another study, beggars were interviewed about their “tactics” for getting donations. Several of the beggars stated that one of the very first things they tried to do was establish eye contact. They claimed that making eye contact made it harder for people to pretend they hadn’t seen them, to ignore them, or to just keep walking.  Other studies have shown that public speakers who make more eye contact, use pleasant facial expressions, and incorporate appropriate gestures into their speeches have more persuasive power than speakers who do not.

What do we need to know about the eyes?

Sunglasses – Hide the eyes and arouse distrust

Avoidance of eye contact – Lack of confidence

Less than 50% eye contact – Insincere and distant

Increased eye contact – Starting to accommodate or acceptance

Rapid blinking – Resistance to what has been done or said

Extended eye contact – Anger, love or frustration

Pupils dilate – Interested, and receptive

Episode 169 – Dealing With the Angry Prospect

Anger is a secondary emotion. A prospect’s anger is usually an indicator that something else is askew and that he needs or wants attention.  When we are angry – we want attention or action now. You can assist in diminishing his anger by determining the key issue he is upset about. It is also often effective to ask for his help, opinions, or advice. This will usually diffuse his anger or even change his attitude and demeanor completely. In some circumstances, you may want to use anger to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction. However when someone is angry they are more likely to blame someone else. In their mind it is not their fault. When they are sad they will usually blame the situation.

When people become angry they tend to rely on intuition or an educated guess.  Anger triggers non analytical information processing.   Anger causes us to use mental shortcuts to decide if the argument is right.   An experiment was done that induced anger. The participants that were angry tended to discriminate between weak and strong persuasive arguments more than those in a neutral mood.  In other words, those that were angry tended to be more influenced by heuristic cues (intuition) than those in a sad or neutral mood.

Episode 167 – Interview with Matt Powell on “Brain Wiring”

On Episode 167 of Maximize Your Influence, Kurt and Steve interview Matt Powell.

Matt asks an important question other personal growth planning books never ask: what if you are choosing the wrong goals? Having taught thousands of students and selling thousands of books on learning methods, Matt brings his systematic approach to achieving goals and changing your future. The best planning process in the world won’t help you if you are choosing the wrong goals. After cutting through the reality of the ‘why’ we fail instead of the ‘what’ we fail doing, Matt shows you how to stop failing in the future, a full proof method of choosing the right goals, and then build on your success.  Matt’s book gives you one of the most in-depth ‘how to’ methods you’ve ever experienced…taking you from last year’s successes to fixing your failures, from understanding your routes to success to setting your calendar up for achieving goals. Topics include – How to ‘undo’ the past – cutting ties with the failures – The keys to understanding why you fail, not what you fail doing – Success planning for all areas of your life – Creating attainable goals you’ll be able to achieve – The psychology and neurology of failure and how to change quickly – Learning from failure – how avoiding failure is a failure – How to reduce stress and increase time management – Understanding and using the four kinds of ‘success capital’ you have right now – Productivity planner and planning using the Hierarchy of Attainability – A method for achieving even the hardest goals immediately…plus much much more.  Check out the interview to see how Matt’s power packed information on “Brain Wiring” will better help you achieve success!

Episode 166 – Double Your Referrals With Donald Kelly

If you’ve been in sales or business for long, you know that a “referred” lead is 10 times better than most cold calls.  On this episode, Kurt and Steve interview Donald Kelly, the Sales Evangelist about how you can double your referrals!

Just like most of you, Donald Kelly is a real life B2B sales professional hustling in the world of software sales. If you’re like him, you had no clue how to really sell when you started in sales. Over the years, Donald has received training/coaching from some of the industry’s leading experts. He applied what he was learning and started seeing a significant difference in his performance and income. He started doing “BIG THINGS”! He personally feels that when you find something of value you should share it! That’s why he love sales so much.

He became very passionate and started “evangelizing” about sales and was dubbed “The Sales Evangelist”. Donald offers some of the top training on sales and referral generation in the market today!

Episode 134 – Signs of Deception

You know that face some people make when they’re just sitting there not doing anything, but they look really mad?  Kurt has discovered a very scientific term for that.  Check out the show to find out.

For today’s “geeky article”, Kurt is once again forced to press the “Steve Urkel” button.  Luckily it’s a good article about the “10 surprising facts about deception.” 

The worst thing for a persuader is that your audience members probably won’t ever confront you about your dishonesty or deception. They are not going to tell you that they think you are lying. They’ll just never work with you again and they’ll then tell all their family and friends about the bad experience they had with you behind your back.

Even if you’re an honest person of admirable character, it is human nature for people to cast sweeping judgments and formulate opinions without all the facts.  So, if you want genuine trust and lasting persuasion, you must avoid even the slightest appearance of anything that might be considered dishonest.  If you never place yourself in a situation where one might be misled about you or your integrity, then your good, hard-earned reputation will never be compromised.  Don’t embellish the story to make it sound better; don’t omit certain information to cover your own skin.

What are some nonverbal behaviors that will trigger incongruence and a sense of deception?

Forced eye contact

Shifting back in chair

Rubbing lips

Scratching your face

Dilated pupils


Pitch of voice rising

Episode 127 – Inner Qualities of Leadership

On episode 127 of Maximize Your Influence, Kurt and Steve start by discussing a recent article, the 7 Mental Blocks to Being Rich.  They then transition to part two of their series on qualities of great leaders.

Intuition is a big part of your future success.  Intuition helps you read and understand people.  It comes in an instant and we have to be ready to act simultaneously.  Some call it a hunch, gut reaction or a feeling.  Intuition is real and can be harnessed to increase your ability to influence and transmit charisma.  Leaders who are able to distinguish between random thoughts and intuition are more successful in life and in business.  Face it, just take a look at CEO’s of large corporations.  They have access to all the logical research they need to make a good, educated decision.  The successful ones will admit that ultimately they have to follow their heart and use personal intuition.  Studies show that the majority of people use intuition, but had a difficult time verbalizing to others why or how it worked.

As humans, (when we listen) we have the ability to read people from a facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice or even a smell.  This comes from our early programming as humans to be able to meet a person and instantly decide if they are a friend or foe.  Those that have the ability to follow their intuition correctly would be able to sense danger or make a new friend.  We know when we have met someone for the first time that we have categorized them in the first 30 seconds.  We have decided if we like or dislike the person and this comes from our intuition.

I am not saying never to do any research. You should spend some time gathering and analyzing information.  The challenge is that you can gather information for the rest of your life.  At one point you will have to make a decision and it should be from your intuition.  At times you will have to make a quick decision and you should let your intuition guide you.  It is a combination of your feelings, your wisdom and your experience.  This will take a little faith and a little practice.  Learn to stretch yourself.  Don’t limit yourself to the facts or the opinions of other people.  You have to learn to follow your heart and tap into your priceless intuition.

Some of us are afraid to talk about intuition because it is so hard to explain.  Let me tell you that successful people use it every day.  They don’t always openly talk about it, but it is being used.  Intuition is more valuable than you realize.  It is used to enhance our creativity, charisma and increases our ability to connect with others.  Sure, super analytical people tend to shoot down intuition as woo-woo or something that is just a myth, but it is a skill you can learn and master.  Just because you don’t understand how it works, does not mean that it does not work.

Intuition expands our ability to tap into our previous experience, our knowledge and our stored memories.  We might not remember what memories or experience we are drawing on, but it was something we already have learned and it is expressed as a gut feeling.  The main obstacle that impedes us from following our intuition is convincing ourselves that it works and should be taken seriously.  What are you listening for?  How does your intuition talk to you?  It can be called impulse, urge or even that inner voice.  Start listening and you will save yourself a lot of time, energy and money.

Our instincts can evaluate our previous experiences, sense the emotions of the moment and rely on past knowledge.  We are always receiving constant information through our intuition.  We just need to listen.  As you practice using your intuition, new and inspiring ideas will intuitively and instinctively arise on their own.  You will be able to solve problems fast.  Learn to focus and concentrate, this type of focus will nurture and augment your newfound inner strength and instinct.  Sure your logical mind will fight you on these new thoughts and ideas, but eventually your new found intuition will win.

Episode 126 – 4 Characteristics of True Leadership

After speculating about good dining in San Francisco and briefly insulting their listeners there, Kurt and Steve discuss a recent article about whether great leaders are born or made.  They then launch into a discussion about the qualities of good leaders.

People who know where they are going are able captivate, are passionate and are charismatic.  You can tell when you meet them and when they enter a room.  People are drawn to them because deep down people want to be passionate about something and when they see that passion in your eyes, you become more charismatic.  They sense that you can help them and improve their lives.  This does not guarantee everyone will like you, but they will respect you for your conviction and your passion.

Passion is very contagious.  When you transfer this passion, the people around you start to radiate that passion.  They perform better, if it is at work, it is no longer work.  They become more proactive, more willing to work as a team and become more optimistic.  When you have tapped into this passion you become more determined and it increases your persistence.  It starts to become a burning desire and consumes you and it radiates to others.  A word of caution, just because you are passionate does not mean you can forego learning the skills you need to be successful.  It is a critical piece of the charisma pie, but you still need more pieces of the pie to radiate powerful long-term charisma.

More than anything else, passion recruits the hearts and minds of your audience.  Charismatics radiate heartfelt passion.  When the audience can sense your passion and sincere conviction for your cause, they will emotionally jump on board.  We all love people who are excited and filled with believable passion for their subject.  Passion is critical to influencing others and transmitting charisma.  When you have passion for something, you want to let everyone know about it.  You want to convert as many people to your cause as possible, and when someone disagrees with you, you are not swayed by their opinions or advice.

Episode 7 – Presolving Objections

Why has Apple been so successful? On this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss recent news about Apple’s upcoming conference and whey Apple has been able to create such a loyal following of clients. They apply this to how persuaders can “get their foot in the door” and plan their lead generation for the long term.

Also, due to demand from last episode, Kurt and Steve get into more detail on the concept of inoculation, or “presolving” objections. Old school persuasion tactics teach us to solve objections after they come up. But effective persuaders minimize objections coming up at all. After all, as Kurt says, “closing skills are like trying to get a kiss after a bad date!”

Inoculating to presolve objections involves using the “T.E.S.S.” concept. TESS stands for testimonial, example, story, and statistic. Building these into your pitch and into your marketing to overcome objections a head of time will get you the largest amount of highly qualified prospects possible.

Episode 5 – Comparing Great Persuaders Against Poor Persuaders

Sometimes the best way to learn something is by learning what NOT to do.  In episode 5, Kurt and Steve discuss a recent visit Kurt had with the Red Cross as well as the recent news that Delta Airlines is the “least respected brand in America.”  They also introduce a new show segment, the “Persuasion Ninja”, where they highlight a recent interaction with a powerful persuader and point out tactics that we can all use.

So what’s the main takeaway from this episode?  Make it easy for your prospects to do business with you.  There are literally hundreds of objections and obstacles that can spontaneously pop up to derail your influence with a prospect.  This makes it important that you streamline the persuasion process by presenting why your prospect can easily do business with you…not why they can’t.  This can be challenging given certain restrictions that businesses/governments place on what persuaders can and cannot say.  However, creating the right atmosphere, choosing the right words, and effective listening make it easy for a prospect to do business with you.

And as promised by Steve, click <a title=”It’s Not About The Nail” href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg”>here</a> for the hilarious video that illustrates why the real solution to a problem is sometimes just listening.

Episode 4 – Micro Expressions and Body Language

Listening isn’t just hearing what somebody is saying.  It’s about taking in everything with your eyes, ears, and heart.  The truly effective persuader knows how to observe the subtle signals given by their prospects.  Body language, eye movement, and vocal tone give the best indication of what somebody is really thinking and feeling about your message.

When persuading, stop and think: how can I better pay attention to what the prospect is truly saying?  Watch your prospects eyes.  When the pupils dilate, it means they are interested in what you are saying.  If they give you steady eye contact, they’re interested.  But lack of eye contact, fake smiles (where they eyes are not also engaged in the smile), and pupils that aren’t dilated are signs that you’re losing the prospect and that it’s time to change gears.