Tag Archives: negotiation

Episode 169 – Dealing With the Angry Prospect

Anger is a secondary emotion. A prospect’s anger is usually an indicator that something else is askew and that he needs or wants attention.  When we are angry – we want attention or action now. You can assist in diminishing his anger by determining the key issue he is upset about. It is also often effective to ask for his help, opinions, or advice. This will usually diffuse his anger or even change his attitude and demeanor completely. In some circumstances, you may want to use anger to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction. However when someone is angry they are more likely to blame someone else. In their mind it is not their fault. When they are sad they will usually blame the situation.

When people become angry they tend to rely on intuition or an educated guess.  Anger triggers non analytical information processing.   Anger causes us to use mental shortcuts to decide if the argument is right.   An experiment was done that induced anger. The participants that were angry tended to discriminate between weak and strong persuasive arguments more than those in a neutral mood.  In other words, those that were angry tended to be more influenced by heuristic cues (intuition) than those in a sad or neutral mood.

Episode 162 – Dealing With Difficult People

We all have them in our lives: difficult people. Admit it…when you heard “difficult people” you automatically thought of a couple by name, didn’t you!

So what is a difficult person?  This person is difficult by nature and/or disagrees with you and may even actively work against you.

For a difficult person, use these techniques:

  • Find a common belief and establish a common ground.
  • Use appropriate humor to break the ice.
  • Don’t start the presentation with an attack on their position.
  • You are only trying to persuade on one point; don’t talk about anything else that could trigger disagreement.
  • Because of your differences, they will question your credibility. Increase your credibility with studies from experts or anything that will support your claim.
  • They will try to find reasons to not like you; don’t give them any.
  • Don’t tell them you are going to try to persuade them.
  • Express that you are looking for a win-win outcome rather than a win-lose situation.
  • Show them you’ve done your homework.
  • Respect their feelings, values, and integrity.
  • Use logical reasoning as clearly and as carefully as possible.
  • Use the Law of Connectivity and the Law of Balance. (Maximum Influence)

Episode 158 – Hijack A Negotiation Using Emotions

After last weeks interview with Chris Voss, Kurt and Steve dive deeper into negotiations and how emotions can hijack them.  This has a negative connotation with most…but why not be the hijacker here?  Emotions are a powerful tool whether you’re understanding how others are using them, or whether you are using them yourself.

Worry

When your prospect is worried or preoccupied with something occurring now or could happen in the future. The wrong type of worry can hinder persuasion. Worry is feeling anxious, uneasy, or concerned about something that may happen, or has already happened. Worry creates anxiety which creates tension—a fear that occupies our thoughts, which if encouraged will grow and continue to dominate our thoughts. I have heard worry referred to as “negative goal setting.”

You can combat worry in your prospects by modifying their anxiety. Bring them back to reality by having them realize we can’t change many things in the past or forecast the future. Stress that most of the things we worry about are those very things we can’t change or control and which won’t likely ever happen in the first place. Help your prospects replace their negative mental images with positive ones.  Worry can also be caused by indecision.  Get them to make a series of minor decisions and their worry will decrease.

Anger

Anger is a secondary emotion. A prospect’s anger is usually an indicator that something else is askew and that he needs or wants attention.  When we are angry – we want attention or action now. You can assist in diminishing his anger by determining the key issue he is upset about. It is also often effective to ask for his help, opinions, or advice. This will usually diffuse his anger or even change his attitude and demeanor completely. In some circumstances, you may want to use anger to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction. However when someone is angry they are more likely to blame someone else. In their mind it is not their fault. When they are sad they will usually blame the situation.

When people become angry they tend to rely on intuition or an educated guess.  Anger triggers non analytical information processing.   Anger causes us to use mental shortcuts to decide if the argument is right.  An experiment was done that induced anger. The participants that were angry tended to discriminate between weak and strong persuasive arguments more than those in a neutral mood.  In other words, those that were angry tended to be more influenced by heuristic cues (intuition) than those in a sad or neutral mood.

Episode 156 – Solve Objections in Advance

Did you know that money can buy happiness? A recent study published in “Psychology Today” shows just that. Kurt and Steve discuss the ins and outs of this study and how money certainly can buy happiness…up to a point.

Continuing off of recent episodes, Kurt and Steve cover how we can overcome objections before they ever occur in the first place. This concept is called “inoculation.” The term comes from the medical field, where patients are given a weak form of a virus so that their body can develop an immunity to it. This same concept happens on the psychological level. If we can introduce a weak form of the objection to our prospects, they will be better prepared for when the real one comes along at a later date.

For example, do most of your prospects end up looking for more bids from competitors? Or do they end up getting serious resistance from friends and family? Letting them know very subtly that this will happen beforehand helps them avoid the shock and disappointment that will later surface. They’ll think “hey, you know what? He told me that the competitors would say this, or that my family would think that.”

This even applies when raising children. Unfortunately we know that at some point kids will be exposed to and given the opportunity to take drugs. Pretending this won’t happen just increases the chances that they will be influenced by a drug dealer and not by you as a parent. Letting them know in advance “hey Jr, at some point somebody is going to offer you drugs. If you say no they’ll call you chicken, they’ll make fun of you, etc. But just say no no matter what and come talk to me about it. It’s okay.”

You can’t, nor should you, inoculate against everything. Just pick the two or three most common objections your prospects have and pre solve them with stories, examples, statistics, and testimonials!

Episode 157 – Negotiation Tips from an former FBI Hostage Negotiator

On this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss the recent bad publicity for Samsung and their Galaxy Note that apparently catches on fire.  Whether it’s true or not, when the FAA warns travelers about your product it can’t be a good thing!

After the Samsung debacle, Kurt and Steve are joined by Chris Voss, author of “Never Split the Difference.”  Chris is a former international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI and shares some great pointers on the podcast!  From Chris’s website, some great excerpts covered in the interview:

Let’s explore the space between offer and acceptance – the space between “yes” and “no” is labels.

“It seems like…” “It sounds like…” “It looks like…”  (Followed by an effective pause.)

It’s critical to not “step” on your label by following it with a question or some sort of an explanation. You’ve got to let them sink in.

“It seems like there’s some flexibility in this package?”

“It sounds like there’s more here?”

“It seems like you have some ranges in mind?”

“It looks like you’ve used certain criteria to come up with this offer?”

Labels are a great way to gather more information and to test positions.  They do it in a way that doesn’t make people feel backed into a corner. They’re effective in place of questions where basically you’d normally be looking for just a “yes” or a “no” and they always get more information. They open up dialog in a really gentle, yet quietly firm way.

Salary negotiations are particularly important because people are testing you as both a co-worker and an ambassador. They really don’t want you to be a push-over and they don’t want you to be a jerk. Salary negotiations shouldn’t be limited to just salary. Salary pays your mortgage but terms build your career.

“It seems like there’s a bigger picture here for this position?”

“It looks like your company has a future vision I fit into.”

“It seems like this position fits a broader need within the company.”

“It looks like there’s some built in opportunities for professional development?”

“It looks like this position fits a critical need.”

These labels can also be expressed as statements or questions (upward inflection – question; downward inflection – statement).

Employers appreciate someone with insight who “gets it”. Labels are a great way to demonstrate competence and insight. Both of these are characteristics that either merit a higher offer now, or position you for one down the line.

Please remember, plan for your success with good terms within the overall package that build your career. Labels help you flesh that out and build the success of both your career and your employer!

Episode 148 – Are You Winning the Negotiation Game?

When Steve asked Kurt how he was doing before the show started, he did not expect that Kurt would tell him that he just got done dealing with a bear in his backyard.  Well, he didn’t deal with it…animal control did.  But we’re proud that Kurt didn’t scream like a little girl when it happened!  Here’s a picture:

Kurt and Steve also give some sound advice that was once also given by the leading salesman of a Northeastern mid-size paper supply company.  The advice is timeless and will echo through the ages.

After an unusual amount of banter, Kurt and Steve decide to get into something that matters: negotiation.  Clients and customers expect to play the game.  So what do you do if there is no game to play?

It is a natural tendency for us to take in information and interpret it in a manner that will best serve our personal wants and needs. We do not always do this consciously. What’s more, the converse is also true in that we often pass over information that is critical to understanding the other side, particularly when the other side is in conflict with us. We naturally enhance our own position while vilifying the opposition’s. The result is that perceptions and beliefs are based on information that is highly inaccurate and exaggerated. Especially striking examples of this oppositional bias are seen in the Israelis and Palestinians or the Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland.

A famous Harvard study involved giving some executives insider information about one company’s plans to acquire another. The executives were randomly assigned to role play the part of either the buyer or the seller. Unbeknownst to them, the information given to each side was identical. After analyzing the information, the executives each had to give their private assessment of the company’s fair value (as opposed to how they might present that value in negotiations). Not surprisingly, the executives playing the part of “seller” gave values that were more than double those offered by those who were playing the role of “buyers.” Interestingly, the results were driven by what would best serve the party in her/his randomly assigned role.

It is to be expected that each negotiating side will bring its own biases to the table. Simply knowing that these biases exist will help those involved in negotiation to not be caught off guard. Put yourself in the other side’s shoes and think of what their most powerful case could be. This empathizing tactic always sheds light on new thoughts and ideas that you might not have thought of otherwise. Lastly, it will never hurt you to seek the input of an uninvolved third party.

Episode 108 – Jedi Mind Tricks?

Are you good at flirting?  Admit it, when we asked you rolled your eyes but were A LITTLE bit interested, deep down.  As it turns out, flirting is related to your ability to influence.  A recent article by Psych Central discusses what makes somebody good at flirting.  Check out the article here.  At a minimum you’ll be entertained.

Thoughts → Emotions → Actions

It all starts with your thoughts. Your thoughts lead to emotions and your emotions lead to your daily actions.

Take an honest look at your life right now. Where do you find yourself? That place is the sum total of your thoughts over the course of a lifetime. Where have your thoughts taken you thus far? Where will they take you tomorrow, next week, or next year? It is only natural that negative thoughts will creep into your mind from time to time. As soon as they sneak in, escort them right back out. Don’t entertain them. They are destructive. Some people use a rubber band to snap their wrist every time a negative thought comes into their mind. The pain associated with this technique fixes their negative thinking very rapidly. If you don’t want to try the rubber band, you can send me a $2,000 check every time you have a negative thought. I am sure that would start to work for you real fast, because that is what it is probably costing you! Your thoughts are what programs your subconscious mind.

Your thoughts are what program your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind is the center of all your emotions. When your subconscious accepts an idea, it begins to execute it. And then your subconscious uses your ideas, knowledge, energy, and wisdom to find the solution. Now, it might occur in an instant, or it might take days, weeks, or even longer. Nevertheless, your mind will continue working on a solution. You need to understand that as you program your mind, you must ask yourself, “Do I program negative suggestions in my mind?” If you are telling yourself that you can’t do it, you are right. When that inner voice tells you that you can’t do something, it is important that you replace the thought or turn down the volume or intensity of the negative voice. Then you can change it to “I can do it,” “I’m going to win,” and “there’s plenty for everybody.” Altering your inner voice’s perception is going to make a difference, and that’s the important thing. That’s because your subconscious mind will always accept what you program it to think. The bottom line is that you are what you think about, and you have the power to choose what you think. No one can do it for you. Great persuaders work on this mental training every day, while average persuaders think they have heard it all before and are doing OK.

If we are going to squash our negative thinking, we must replace those thoughts with new, positive ones. As you practice mental programming, new and inspiring ideas will intuitively and instinctively arise on their own. But give yourself specific goals and targets to keep your thoughts centered on—this type of focus will nurture and augment your newfound inner strength. Sure your logical mind will fight you on these new thoughts, but eventually your new programming will win.

Episode 107 – Why we stink at listening

Being in sales or being a business owner can be emotionally exhausting.  It’s important to develop the ability to pick yourself up out of a bad mood.  To start this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss a recent article that gives you “8 ways to feel better in a hurry.

If there’s one topic that people just don’t want to hear about anymore, it’s listening. Ironic, isn’t it?  As we’ve researched successful persuaders, we’ve found listening to be one of their top attributes.  Listening is a habit we can lose.  If we aren’t careful, months down the road we find ourselves jabbering too much with our prospects instead of listening to them.

Episode 105 – Engaged and Mentally Focused Prospects

Is Google rigging elections?  On this episode, Kurt and Steve discuss a recent article that thinks so.  Merely telling the masses that a candidate has a “high” approval rating tends to gender more support.  So how much influence do the “Googles” of the world actually have?  Check out the article here.

Most persuaders would rather deal with an angry prospect than an indifferent one.  Indifferent prospects are tough to do anything with!  Enter the Law of Involvement.  Using the Law of Involvement helps us to get prospects to mentally focus and engage in what we are saying.  It’s what gives you traction in the persuasion process.

Episode 104 – Influence Killing Words

Everything that we understand and know about our world is based around words.  Words don’t just have meaning, they have feeling.  That’s why some words in some languages just don’t directly translate.  One particular author has used this to apparently create a children’s book that makes kids fall asleep. 

When it comes to influencing, there are words you should never use.  Kurt and Steve discuss many of these on this weeks episode, as well as many of the most influential words in the English language.  Influential words can change, however.  Words that were effective 5-10 years ago are no longer.  Tune into this episode to find out more!