Category Archives: Podcasts

Episode 190 – Beliefs that Sabotage Success

Synchronized Beliefs

Very closely related to directing our thoughts are our beliefs or belief systems. Just as airplanes have guidance systems to direct them, so do we have systems guiding and shaping what we think, do, and believe. Without these influences, we will miss our intended destination, just like an airplane out of touch with the control tower would never be able to land.

 What if you had two control towers telling the pilots what to do? The results would be devastating. What many of us don’t realize is that we are tuned in to multiple guidance systems simultaneously. For example, we value the input of our parents, spouse, and close friends, and pay heed to rules of the community, society, and often religion. Since so many influences may conflict with one another, we have to prioritize who or what dictates our belief system. If we cannot synchronize these influences, we will wander through life, always missing the target because of our inability to synchronize our beliefs. Great persuaders hit their targets more often because of a well-synchronized belief system.

 

It may be a very helpful exercise to pinpoint the main beliefs that are shaping your life and to determine whether or not any of them are in conflict with each other.

 

Consider the following possible conflicts of interest:

            The pursuit of wealth                      “Money is the root of all evil”

            Job security                                       Entrepreneurial freedom

            Making it to the top                         “Family comes first”

            Love of eating                                   Healthy body

            Adventurous                                    Ducks in a row

            You only live once                           Restraint, moderation

            More free time                                  Pursue financial independence

            Reduce debt                                      Start investing

            Successful business                         Successful parent

            Spiritual                                             Wealthy

 

After you have identified which beliefs shape your life, you need to determine which beliefs represent personal truths for you and which ones you have simply acquired by social and cultural osmosis. Upon closer study, we often find that much of what we believe has not come through our own thoughtful searching. Rather, it comes through imitating what society teaches is appropriate, and what we have been exposed to at home, school, or work. In order to truly change, grow, and prosper, we need to be consciously aware of the rules we’ve made for ourselves, where they have come from, and what they’re based on. Do they all serve you? Or are they sabotaging you? It is time to take ownership of your beliefs.

 

Article Link

https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/01/07/these-9-mental-habits-suck-the-happiness-from-your-life/

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Episode 189 – Leadership Expert – Jon Gordon

Jon Gordon’s best-selling books and talks have inspired readers and audiences around the world. His principles have been put to the test by numerous NFL, NBA, MLB coaches and teams, Fortune 500 companies, school districts, hospitals and non-profits. He is the author of numerous best-selling books including The Energy Bus, The Carpenter, Training Camp, The Seed, You Win in the Locker Room First and The No Complaining Rule. Jon and his tips have been featured on The Today Show, CNN, CNBC, The Golf Channel, Fox and Friends and in numerous magazines and newspapers. His clients include The Los Angeles Dodgers, The Atlanta Falcons, Campbell Soup, Dell, Publix, Southwest Airlines, LA Clippers, Miami Heat, Pittsburgh Pirates, BB&T Bank, Clemson Football, Northwestern Mutual, Bayer, West Point Academy and more.

The Power of Positive Leadership

Great leaders understand that people drive the numbers, not the other way around; to win, you must win with people, and this book shows you how. It all begins with your decision to become a positive leader, and the understanding that leadership is not just about what you can do, but what you can inspire, encourage, and empower others to do. You’ll learn to bring out the best in each of your employees by sharing the best within you; instead of running over people to achieve your goals, invite them on board; together, you can achieve more than you ever thought possible.

 Difficult times call for leaders who are up for the challenge. Results are the byproduct of your culture, teamwork, vision, talent, innovation, execution, and commitment; this book shows you how to bring it all together to become a powerfully positive leader.

 Discover the true drivers of short- and long-term success.

Learn what leadership is really about.

Cultivate the habits and outlook of successful leaders.

Strengthen your people and let the results speak for themselves.

Find the right people, invest in them, nurture them, and develop them; as they grow, so do you. The Power of Positive Leadership helps you become the person you want to be, and the leader your people need.

For more information about Jon and his work visit: www.jongordon.com

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Episode 188 – Charisma #3 – Inner-Charisma – Your Inside Dictates Your Outside

Charismatics have the ability to focus quickly in the moment similar to great athletes.  To master the area of focus and concentration, we must implement what athletes do before, during and after the competition.  

?           Visualize the win or the outcome before it happens

?           Constant self-discipline even when it hurts

?           Refocus after failure and learn from those mistakes

?           Instantly replace negative thoughts with positive ones

?           Have the ability to quickly change their state of mind

?           Able to concentrate during heavy distractions 

 

The key is to begin to focus and concentrate a little at a time.  Today try to focus and stay on a task for five minutes.  Where can you go?   What do you need to do to avoid distractions?  As you progress with this skill, add the length of time and your ability to limit distractions.  The second thing is to figure out what block of the day is your most productive time?  Is it the morning, the afternoon or the evening?  This is the time when you do your most important and difficult work.  Find that time when it is the easiest to concentrate and get things done.  When you truly master your ability to focus, not only is it easier to influence others, you will be able to accomplish ten times more in half the amount of time.

Link to Article: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/107179190300900404

 

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Episode 187 – Charisma #2 – Empowering Others & Contagious Cooperation

Many think that when they get into positions of leadership or prominence that others should be serving them or looking up to them.  This is great way to turn people off and decrease your ability to be charismatic.  If your only focus is on you, then eventually all then the focus will be off you.  Sure others might run to your attention, but they are doing it for money or recognition, they are not doing it because of who you are.  When you start to focus on others, show some kindness and offer goodwill, offer some charity, and the focus will return to you.  When you look for the good in others you become better yourself.  When you start looking for ways to serve, not only do you open the doors to influence, it increases your well being and your happiness.

 

You demonstrate goodwill by focusing on positives and being careful with the negatives.  Don’t be harsh or forceful when dealing with people.  Remember most people can be highly sensitive or feel overly vulnerable. (Remember esteem)  Watch your statements and your actions and always show that you have the audience’s best interest in mind.   Never criticize someone unless you really need to and do it the right way.  Criticism damages your relationship and destroys the connection you have with them and hurts your charisma.  Instead, find something positive and show goodwill.  This will increase acceptance and self-confidence.  Many times we correct or criticize in the wrong way and this destroys the possibility for leadership, loyalty and charisma.  Anytime someone feels stupid or you are perceived as inconsiderate and your ability to lead or influence diminishes.  Little do most people know that their comments cause rebellion and resentment.  Show you care, show some goodwill and you automatically will transfer charisma.

 

A big part of goodwill is the mindset of abundance.  Abundance is a state of mind that allows you to give knowing that the universe will reward you.  You don’t do it for the reward, you do it because it is the right thing to do.  As author Stephen Covey said “the abundance mentality (which) flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security.  It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody…. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity.”  You know that when you give of your time, money or even skills that it is not only the right thing to do, it increases your abundance, your health and your happiness and your charisma.  Get past the scarcity mentality society has given you and see the abundance the world has to offer.  Realize we are all on the same human team and we all have different strengths and weaknesses.  Always be willing to share your strengths and someone will appear to help you with your weaknesses.

Article link:https://www.fastcompany.com/3035120/4-steps-to-overcoming-failure-and-using-it-to-your-advanta

 

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Episode 186 – Charisma #1 – Presence – What Do You Radiate?

Passion is very contagious.  When you transfer this passion, the people around you start to radiate that passion.  They perform better, if it is at work, it is no longer work.  They become more proactive, more willing to work as a team and become more optimistic.  When you have tapped into this passion you become more determined and it increases your persistence.  It starts to become a burning desire and consumes you and it radiates to others.  A word of caution, just because you are passionate does not mean you can forego learning the skills you need to be successful.  It is a critical piece of the charisma pie, but you still need more pieces of the pie to radiate powerful long-term charisma.

More than anything else, passion recruits the hearts and minds of your audience.  Charismatics radiate heartfelt passion.  When the audience can sense your passion and sincere conviction for your cause, they will emotionally jump on board.  We all love people who are excited and filled with believable passion for their subject.  Passion is critical to influencing others and transmitting charisma.  When you have passion for something, you want to let everyone know about it.  You want to convert as many people to your cause as possible, and when someone disagrees with you, you are not swayed by their opinions or advice.  

PS

Remember to test out your personal pics.  The website we talked about was Photofeeler.com

 

Article Link: http://www.upi.com/Science_News/2017/04/14/Science-says-Let-a-stranger-pick-your-profile-picture/8781492196442/

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Likeability and Charm Create Charisma

Rapport: The Instant Connection  

Rapport is the secret ingredient that makes us feel a harmonious link with someone else. It is equivalent to being on the same wavelength with the other person. Rapport is the key that makes mutual trust materialize.

Have you ever met a perfect stranger and just hit it off? Finding plenty to talk about, you almost felt as if you had met before. It just felt right. You could talk about practically anything and you lost track of time. You developed such a strong bond with that person that you knew what he was going to say. Everything just clicked between the two of you and you felt a connection with this person. You felt your ideas were in sync and you enjoyed your time with each other. This is rapport.

In our discussion of rapport, we are going to elaborate on these concepts: humor, body language, touch and mirroring. Mastering these skills will help you to develop rapport faster.

Humor  

Humor can be a powerful tool to create rapport. Humor makes the persuader seem more friendly and accepting. Humor helps gain attention, helps you create rapport, and makes your message more memorable. It can relieve tension, enhance relationships, and motivate people.  Appropriate use of humor increases trust in your audience.

Humor can also distract your audience from negative arguments or grab their attention if they are not listening.  Humor diverts attention away from the negative context of a message, thereby interfering with the ability of listeners to carefully scrutinize it or engage in counterarguments. If listeners are laughing at the jokes, they may pay less attention to the content of a message. Humor can “soften up” or disarm listeners.  Humor connects you with your audience and increases their attention to your message.

 Humor must be used cautiously, however. If used inappropriately, it can be offensive and may cause your audience to turn against you. Humor should only be used as a pleasant, but moderate distraction. As a rule of thumb, if you are generally not good at telling jokes, don’t attempt it. Be sure that you have good material. Nonfunny humor is not only ineffective, but irritating. Modify your humor so that it is appropriate for your audience.   

Smile

Another aspect of humor is the smile.  A smile is free, generates a great first impression, and shows happiness, acceptance, and confidence. Your smile shows that you are pleased to be where you are, or happy to meet this person. As a result, they become more interested in meeting you. Smiling also conveys a feeling of acceptance, which makes your listener more trusting of you. It has been shown that sales representatives who smiled during the sales process increased their success rate by 20 percent. However, as with traditional humor, use a smile appropriately.

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Episode 184 – Create An Instant Connection With Anyone

Similarity: Similar Is Familiar

Similarity theory states that familiar objects are more liked than less familiar ones. The same holds true with people: We like people who are similar to us. This theory seems to hold true whether the commonality is in the area of opinions, personality traits, background, or lifestyle.  

I can remember walking in a foreign country, taking in the unfamiliar sights and sounds, and then running into someone from my own country. We could have been from opposites sides of the nation with nothing in common, but there was an instantaneous bond between us, all because we had something in common in a mutually unfamiliar place.   

Similarity is also true even in the judicial system. If jurors feel that they share some common ground with you and, better yet, like you?even subconsciously?for that similarity, then you will have a markedly better chance of winning your case. Anytime we establish something about ourselves that others will identify with, we increase our persuasive powers. In one particular study, antiwar demonstrators were more inclined to sign petitions of those similarly dressed, and often didn’t even bother to read the petition before signing!   Numerous studies conclude that your audience is most responsive to individuals who dress and act similar to them.

Researchers McCroskey, Richmond, and Daly say there are four parts to similarity: attitude, morality, background, and appearance.  Of the four similarity factors, attitudes and morals are always the most important.  Power Persuaders are always looking for similarities or common beliefs to form the basis of common foundations with their prospects. We want to be persuaded by those who are like us and with whom we can relate. 

We see real-world examples of this in advertisements. We want to see people we can identify with, and the advertising execs accommodate us. When we see a particular commercial, we think, “Hey, he is just like me! He is also Broke!  That couple has a messy, cluttered house, too.” We see ads showing the average Joe or Jill because they create that similarity.   

Your audience will connect with you when they perceive the similarity.  O’Keefe found two important points regarding similarity and persuasion. First, the similarity must be relevant to the subject or issue being persuaded. Second, to persuade someone, the similarities must involve positive rather than negative qualities.   The bottom line is we are interpersonally connected to others when they possess similar values and beliefs.

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Episode 183 – Emotional Hijacking and Toxic People

Emotional States: Understanding Feelings and Moods

Charismatic people know there is a fine line between logic and emotion.  To influence someone you have to have both.  Emotion will override logic every time.  I am going to assume here (I know I shouldn’t do that) you have the ability to form a logical argument.  Emotion is the missing piece for most people that want to become more charismatic.  Very few really know how emotional states, feelings, subconscious triggers and moods affect other people and affect (good and bad) your ability to maintain charisma and influence.  

 Logic tends to be more temporary while emotion will carry your message into the future.  Emotion inspires us to take action, but logic justifies those actions.  We know it is difficult for most people to distinguish between logic and emotion.  We know that is difficult to identify many of the emotions that are felt throughout a day.  We know people can’t forecast what emotions they will feel, how long they will feel it and how strong the emotion will be.  Most people just sense if you or your message makes them feel good or feel bad.  Your goal is to change or maintain their emotional state or mood.

These are the emotions that will detract from your charisma and decrease your ability to influence.

 Anger

Anger is a sign that something is out of line.   Anger is also known as a secondary emotion.  What they are angry about and really angry about are usually two different things.  You can help decrease a person’s anger by finding out the main reason they are upset.  It is also useful to ask for their help, opinions, or advice.  This will usually diffuse their anger or even help change their demeanor.  Sometimes the person doing the influencing may want to use anger to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction.

 Worry

When someone is worried or preoccupied with something occurring now or could happen in the future, your ability to change their mood or influence them declines.  Worry could cause you to feel nervous, uneasy or anxious.  Worry can be referred to as a negative vision of the future.  Help them by bringing them back to reality.  Worry will subside when you can substitute their negative images with positive ones.  Another way worry decline is when you help them make a decision.  Worry decreases with decisions.

 Fear

Fear is anxiety or tension caused by danger or apprehension.  The possibility of harm can be real, but it is usually an overactive imagination.  Fear motivates us and moves us away from perceived unpleasant circumstances or certain danger.  Logic rarely reduces fear.  The key to understanding fear is to realize that is has been learned from a past experience.  Remember that fear is very real to them.  Make sure when they are in fear that you can provide a solution for them.  Then your job as a great influencer is to help them feel capable of overcoming this fear. 

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Episode 182 – How to Create The Perfect Persuasive Presentation – Part 2

That first thirty seconds with your audience are critical. How do you start? Great persuaders craft and design their message. There is no room to wing it. Your opening is where your audience formulates and settles into their impressions of you. Think of your opening or introduction as comprising no more than 10 percent of your full presentation. Budgeting your speech in this manner forces you to organize your time so that you know exactly what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it.

 As you move from the opening of your presentation to the main body, it is helpful to remember the acronym TESS, which stands for testimonials, examples, statistics, and stories. Top persuaders tend to incorporate each of these elements into their presentations. Our research shows that when speaking to an audience, each point of TESS will resonate with different audience members. On average, TESS resonates as follows:

Testimonials                12%

Examples                     23%

Statistics                      18%

Stories                         47%

       Testimonials. A testimonial is a person’s statement or declaration of what they believe and assert to be true. In your presentation, it can be your own, or it can come from a third party. Testimonials are a source of social validation?people assume that if others believe in it, then they should too. Great persuaders know how to use testimonials when their credibility is low. Make sure your testimonials are believable and unbiased and that they are qualified for your audience.

            Examples. An example is an explanation or model that demonstrates or illustrates your point. Instead of just spouting off facts, examples make your points come alive. Examples reinforce your ideas and make them vivid and real in the mind of your audience. Examples can be taken from research studies, from articles you’ve read?and they can be personal anecdotes.

           Statistics. In a consumer climate that is increasingly skeptical, I recommend using statistics sparingly. Everyone knows that you can “cook the books” and find statistics to prove almost anything; your audience wants credible statistics. Statistics resonate with the logical mind, and when convincing, they are very persuasive. In particular, the analytical minds in your audience will love you and want to know the source. Most statistics need to be explained and often work best with visual aids.

            Stories. The most powerful of the four elements of TESS are stories. They draw your audience in while helping them understand and appreciate your message. I’m sure you can think of a time when you were in an audience, not paying much attention to the speaker. You were probably off in your own world, when all of a sudden, you perked up and started to listen because the speaker started telling a story. When we hear a story, we automatically tune in and want to know what happens next.

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Episode 181 – The Perfect Persuasive Presentation

Structuring Persuasive Presentations

Why should we be concerned with the structure of a persuasive presentation? Top predictor of professional success is how much you enjoy and how good you are at public speaking.   Studies also show the ability to give presentations was ranked as the most critical skill needed to move up in today’s business environment.

 

Before we jump into the meat of this topic, remember as you prepare your persuasive message that you want to focus on one defined issue. You are not there to persuade on ten different points. Stay focused and steer clear of sensitive issues that aren’t on your original agenda. In other words, don’t inadvertently offend your audience on one issue when your focus in on another. The structure of your persuasive message should follow the pattern discussed below.

 

  1. Create Interest

You have to generate an interest about your chosen topic. Your audience needs a reason to listen: Why should they care? What’s in it for them? How can you help them? A message that starts with a really good reason to listen will grab the attention of the audience, enabling you to continue with the message. Without this attention, there is no hope of getting your message across.

 

  1. State the Problem

You must clearly define the problem you are trying to solve. The best pattern for a persuasive presentation is to find a problem and relate how it affects the audience. In this way, you show them a problem they have and why it is of concern to them. Why is this a problem to your audience?  

 

  1. Offer Evidence

This is the support you give to your argument. Evidence validates your claims and offers proof that your argument is correct. It allows your audience to rely on other sources besides you. Evidence can include examples, statistics, testimonies, analogies, and any other supporting material used to enhance the integrity and congruency of your message.

 

  1. Present a Solution

You have gained your audience’s interest and provided evidence in support of your message; now you must solve their problem. You present the argument you want them to believe and satisfy the need you have identified or created. You have created dissonance and now you are providing the solution. How can your product meet their needs and wants and help them achieve their goals?

 

  1. Call to Action

A persuasive message is not true persuasion if your audience does not know exactly what they need to do. Be specific and precise. In order to complete the solution to their problem, they must take action. This is the climax, the peak of your logic and emotion. The prescribed actions must be feasible. Make your call to action as easy as possible.

 

Using this type of structure facilitates people’s acceptance of your message and clarifies what you want them to do. We all have a logical side to our mind, which results in our need for order and arrangement. If we don’t sense some sort of structure, we tend to become confused. If you can’t be clear, concise, and orderly, your prospect will find someone else who is.

 

Link to Article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25811633

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